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• Tonight I am at the Long Beach Laugh Factory at 8:00.
• I got my weed license and they told me I could have weed in my car. I thought that meant I could drive stoned. Oops.
• My GF’s gay friend thinks I don’t like him because he's gay. Seems like a nice guy. He’s being “Heterophobic”
• My girlfriend and I live in a studio. We are in a short distance relationship.
• Demi Moore checked into rehab for substance abuse. Her ex husband Ashton Kutcher checked in for having no substance.
• @PageKennedy except for you of coarse.
• If you post a video on my Facebook page, please make it one that includes you stabbing yourself.
• My girlfriend says I don't listen when she talks to me. So I gave her a list of things to talk about.